Hello. This is a calendar. The calendar will tell you when and where I'll be on stage in the future. It is essentially a two-dimensional crystal ball.
It will be very useful if you need to find me for whatever reason, whether it's to hear some jokes, have an avid discussion about the Gilmore Girls, or reveal that you're the child I never knew I had.
If it's the last thing, please wait until after the show before irrevocably changing my life.